


Like Medicine

by Unceasing



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Post-Game(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-18
Updated: 2012-11-18
Packaged: 2017-11-19 00:24:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/566976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unceasing/pseuds/Unceasing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Those weren't side effects. It was a slow reacting poison designed to shut a person DOWN." The game didn't leave them with an easy victory.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like Medicine

 

Your name is DAVE STRIDER, and TIME never left.

Even after the game, it continued to haunt his mind; always ticking, always echoing, always flowing. No matter what Dave tried to do, the ticking would not cease.

For a while, he had thought it was just some weird, bizarre after effect of the game; like the side effects of pills. Sure, you'd be feeling some wicked chills for a while and have trouble thinking, but after some time it would eventually fade away. That should have been the case here. The game was over, they had won, happily ever after.

But it didn't. It just kept going, and going, and going. Fuck, it was throwing off his jams, what with his constant unceasing inner metronome that was unrelentingly pounding on the inside his head. It made it hard to focus his rhymes. He was supposed to be the cool guy; his words had to be smooth and precise. It wasn't the same when they became pre-set, having to be spoken in between and on the dot of the ticks. It made everything sound rehearsed, and that just took away from the magic. The fucking miracle rhymer that was Dave Strider.

He couldn't even use music to drown it out. It only made things worse; he couldn't line up his tunes to fit in time with his ticking - a constant 60BPM, he figured out - and it made everything feel wrong, and tipped him uneven. He'd think Harley would have a field day with that one, what with her new OCD that drove everyone insane. Or maybe it was just him. She never did things in time with his inner beat.

But then again, no one did. Rose didn't move in perfect step; she was usually too slow, and fluid at all the wrong places. John was far too sporadic, and never landed on the proper beat. Watching them made him crazy. After a while, he'd just close his eyes behind his shades and hope that they didn't notice; try to ignore their voices so he didn't snap at them. Strider's are meant to be cool, and flipping your shit at friends is definitely  _not_ cool.

To be fair, he didn't like speaking either. It was for the same reason his lines sounded wrong; he had to make sure that his voice fell in line with the beat. He had to speak faster

Everything he Said had to be Punctuated So it fell in Line perfectly.

60BPM to some 200, punctuated on every quarter beat.

He could ignore having to join everything like that when he was just thinking; it was only when he spoke did everything come out with a weird step. Like your jumping in tune with a beat. Like those stupid little rhymes people would say in Elementary School.

_Bubble gum Bubble gum In a Dish. How many Pieces Do you Wish._

He'd gotten into talking with Rose since she knew all that psycho babble shit, and figured that his sister should put that knowledge to good use and help a brother out. Literally. That was still something that he was getting used to. Fuck, he even hit on her at one point. God, what was with him and being attracted to people that he turned out to be related to.

Either way, Rose hadn't been much help in the first place. To her credit however, she did seem to have a good grasp on his situation and always knew how to answer his questions. It was a bit uncanny how she did that. Like, not in that ironic way either like she used to do. It was like she was reading his mind; he'd actually asked her about that too, during one of their 'sessions.' He'd asked if she was having any after-effects of the Game, and all she really did was laugh.

_"Dave, I assure you that I have not felt anything out of the ordinary. And I certainly am not able to read your mind. If I were, I think I might have to take drastic measures; heaven knows what might be looming inside of that brain of yours."_

He'd let it drop after that, and she never brought it up again. Still, he had his suspicions. Everyone seemed to be a little different after the game, and he's not sure if it's just because they've grown up. Maybe he's completely losing his mind, his logic being drowned out by the constant ticking playing on repeat.

Even now, while sitting on the swing in the park in John's neighborhood, he can't help but wonder where everything went so wrong that it couldn't be fixed. It was weird to just be able to sit somewhere, with other  _humans,_ and know that they weren't in any danger. Sometimes he thinks everything was just a bad dream.

And then he realizes that he's got alien trolls on his messenger list, and his closest friends remember everything, too.

He can hear John on the swing beside him, though he's doing the same thing he is; just sitting there, staring out in front of them like the sky is the most beautiful fucking thing out there. And shit, maybe it was. They'd spend years in space filled with blackness. This shit was just something that they had time to appreciate.

Idly, he wonders if this is how a dying person feels like. Thankful that they're able to just see the light of day. Wait,  _scratch_  that. He wasn't staring up at any fruity sky when he was butchered numerous times.

"Hey, uh, Dave..."

John's speaking, and it's the only real acknowledgment he's given since they had arrived at this place. They'd made some idle smalltalk on the way over, but once they'd gotten here they'd fallen into a rather comfortable silence. He wasn't Vantas; he knew how to keep his mouth shut. Bonus points since he remembered that he had to  _Breath._ John's silence had been questionable, but he chalked it up to being one of those 'maturing' aspects. Whatever.

"Sup?"

"Ummmm..." John hesitates, like he's not sure what to ask, and he stares at the ground. Dave doesn't turn to look at him, but he does peek out the side of his shades just to take a look.

"Spit it out, Egbert."

"Do you ever see things? I mean, uh...like, I don't know. Um...well I mean, you were Time so, like, are things in slow motion or something and like, I don't know, has anything weird happened after the game? Like, anything at all, even if you think it isn't important or isn't a big deal, I want to know because I think that maybe I could help, or not me then Jade or Rose because well, there's a lot of stuff that's changed and..."

"Woah dude, chill for a moment." Dave cuts him off, because if he didn't, John would have rambled on for minutes, and he'd never know just what he actually wanted to ask or say. "Slow down, and just, spit it out."

Inwardly, he curses, because he's done that stupid time thing again. His tempo got the better of him and it made his sentence sound completely stupid. Even so, John takes a deep breath, holds it for a whole five seconds, and exhales.

"What I mean is, are you okay? You f-...look frustrated at something."

Dave makes sure to put on his best poker face, because as much as he loves John as a brother, he doesn't want to make him worry. He doesn't want to make  _anyone_ worry, because he's already burdened Rose and he doesn't want John to know, too.

_But maybe something's up with him too. Maybe the game left its mark on him, and he's waiting for you to say something._

Despite his inner monologue, Dave stays quiet, and simply shrugs. John lifted his head up so he could see better, and he's suddenly laughing.

"Oh, uh, hah! I guess I was just imagining things! Of course nothing's wrong, why would there be? Everything's completely perfect in this new world, there's no reason for the game to have marked you or anything! It's played it's part-"

"It's the ticking."

It's out of Dave's mouth before he can even stop it, and John stops mid sentence. _No turning back now. "_ I can hear it. Constantly. I always know what time it is, down to the second, because I can't help but keep track of it." Words are pouring out of his mouth, and Dave can't believe he's admitting this to him. "Since we've stepped out of the Medium, it's been 253 hours, 30,266 minutes and 1,814,416 seconds. Time is in my head, and I can't seem to ever tune it out, no matter what I do. It wasn't as bad when I had fifteen billion Dave's running around to keep track of, but now that it's just Me, and not Myself and I, it's fucking deafening."

John's looking at him with this  _look,_ and that's when he reaches up and pulls his shades off his face.

"I don't know how much longer I can keep this up."

And that sad thing is that he's telling the truth, and John's small gasp tells him that he realizes it too.

Red eyes rimmed with dark circles accented by pale skin that gives him a sickly look. He's supposed to be the hero; he's supposed to be like his brother, the one who can do the impossible. And hadn't they? Hadn't they done enough? Dave just looks tired and worn out and he knows it.

"I...Dave, what happened!"

John's off the swing in one fluid motion - though it's to the wrong beat - and is kneeling himself in front of him. His bright blue eyes are complete contrast to Dave's, and he can't help but let out a mirthless chuckle.

"Don't look at me like that, dude. I'm not dying,"  _\- This time -_  "I just haven't been able to stay asleep,"  _\- or fall asleep - "_ and it's just taking it's toll."  _\- Its tole is my life, and I don't know how much longer I can hold out._

John's still kneeling in front of Dave, and when he lifts his arm to put his shades back on, he's stopped by a hand that has latched itself into his wrist. "I...uh. I want you to be okay, and I know you're not. I mean...is there anything I can do? At all?"

And while he speaks, he's staring at him through his own glasses, but it still feels like he's piercing into his own soul. Dave doesn't understand how he can still manage to look so _innocent_ after everything has happened. They had seen their guardians die, and themselves as well on more than one occasion.

He'd died enough times, and it was getting to the point where he didn't think that one more time would be that bad. He knew what it was like to die, which..made it hard to fear it. But while he's staring down at John, he can feel the guilt writhing around in his gut, and it makes him feel bad for even thinking that.

_Damn it, Egbert. If there was something that you, or anyone could do, they would have done it already. We'd have already figured this shit out. Stop looking at me with that puppy-dog expression already._

"Nah," he says instead, smirking as he pulls his arm away and re-equips his shades. "Gotta handle this one on my own. Strider's got pride."

And then he closes his eyes, because he doesn't want to see any more of John's expression.

* * *

 

 

 

_Your name is JOHN EGBERT, and you can feel the earth BREATHING._

Honestly, at first, it hadn't been that bad. He'd thought it was even kind of cool! While everyone was in the Medium and he'd gotten his air powers, he'd wondered why he had missed all of this before!  _Heir of Breath._ It had been a weird title, compared to his friends. Rose was the Seer of Light and Dave the Knight of Time and Jade the Witch of Space. Those were kind of direct! But he hadn't been sure what  _Breath_ had meant until he had first taken a good look around him.

And then he realized that  _his_ title had been direct as well.

The earth - And whatever land they had landed in - breathed. It was sonnets of waves and color, and just, how did he  _miss this?_ It was more then just being able to feel a breeze around him, more then just being able to control the direction the invisible gusts blew. It was like he was a conductor and, well, that was it!

He knew that no one else could see it, since it obviously was a part of his individual God Tier status, so he never really brought it up with his other friends. In fact, since he hadn't really seen them in person, it was even easier to forget to say it! And...

And it didn't get bad until he first saw Rose, when she'd gone completely off the cliff into grimdark! (He'd warned her, he really had!)

It had been the first time he'd seen - well - a human in quite a while! And he hadn't even been expecting to see  _her_ there, since he'd last visually seen her while she was asleep in her room back in her session! Well, he knew that Rose was Rose no matter  _how_ she looked, but...

It wasn't just that. Before she'd wandered into the room he'd been in, he could  _taste_ the air around him. It was bitter and sticky like mist, and it was generally unpleasant the way it tickled and slithered around his arms. He'd never really experiences anything like that before, and it made him a little nervous.

And then when Rose came into the room, it was like everything just got  _darker._ If it was like mist before, then it was a full on rainstorm of pins and needles!

And then they'd started talking, and he couldn't really understand her, but he could  _feel_ her. Past the grimdark-y-ness, he could feel  _Rose._ It bothered him that she was like this, because it always seemed like it would be such a hard thing to actually get under her skin! Yeah, he'd joked about the grimdark but...it's not like he'd meant it. He'd said it, but Rose was a strong girl and really smart and logical, so...when he felt that rage boiling under her skin and past her calm expression (minus the times where his incessant ramblings would frustrate her) it was uncomfortable and unusual.

John had always been a bit oblivious to how people were feeling. He'd trust easily, and that got him in trouble...sometimes. I mean, only once had it actually  _killed_ him - or his alternative self, he supposed? - but he'd also made a lot of friends like that! Dave always did give him a lot of trouble about it, though.

But either way. He'd kept his mouth shut, for the most part, as she lead him through the tower. And the longer they'd gone on, more unusual things seemed to get. Bodies of people from both Prospit and Derse were littering the halls and...

Some of them were fresh. some of them weren't even completely dead, but were beyond help. His skin had been  _crawling_ as they'd made their way through the place, and all he could think was,  _How is she remaining so calm about all of this? Why wasn't she feeling this like he was?_ Sure, he knew full well that it was because they had different titles, but it was just so powerful that he figured that it would be impossible to miss.

And everything had been torn apart in him when they had reached the roof, and he'd seen their parents. But even though he had been devastated, it hadn't completely bothered him so much. Well, it had, but not in the same way that those dying people had, or in the way that Rose was, and it just seemed...weird. His dad was laying there in front of him, a gaping bleeding hole through his chest and...

He was more attuned and concentrating on the fact that the air felt like it was made of toxic jelly. He'd wanted to cry, to do something, but he couldn't find it in him. So he'd simply settled for dropping to his knees in front of his dad, thinking that maybe it just hadn't hit him yet, maybe he was in shock, maybe this is why he couldn't concentrate -

But when he felt Jack land down before them, he knew that none of that was the case. Because he had been the one who had been leaking all of that toxic ooze, draping it around him so he could hardly breath or see or touch or feel or -

And then he'd died.

Not that he'd stayed dead, but it still hurt, and it was really annoying. Stabbing isn't exactly a quick way to go - your legs just sort of become jelly, and you're not able to stand, and keeping your eyes open is just far too much trouble then it's really worth. He could feel his own life draining but he felt someone elses rising - there was someone  _feeling_ harder then even Jack, and if he could he'd have laughed.

Having the two of them around him was driving him crazy, since neither of them seemed to really have any real control. He could sense that Rose had crossed the line and attacked in a blind rage, or sorrow, or something along those lines, and Jack was just someone who was hellbent on destroying anything that even so much as crossed in front of him.

But then he'd  _really_ died before he woke up, so he supposed there was no "really" since it was like he just re-spawned.

Despite everything, it had still taken him a while to realize exactly what was going on! Maybe it was because of the constant fast-pace he was always being forced to go at, or something. Either way, he was able to stay distracted so it was okay. He could ignore everything until he couldn't.

Idly, he wonders how he hadn't driven Jade insane when they were stuck suspended for three years! He'd felt it then, but really, she was the only human around. John didn't really think the pawns of Prospit and Derse completely counted, since...well. He wasn't trying to be rude, but they  _were_ just pawns. He'd only really felt them while they were dying, because it didn't matter who or..uh..what you were, dying  _hurt._ You were gonna be feeling pretty hard!

But either way, it was okay. Everything was completely and totally okay until it wasn't because then everything sort of started falling down around him, and maybe that's just a pretty metaphor but, really, it can sort of be literal since things  _did_ feel like they were constricting him.

He thought it was just him, that he was going crazy, because no one else seemed to be having these sort of problems.

When they'd saved the world and made everything go back to how it was, no SBURB or anything, he'd thought that was the end, that they could celebrate! They had become heroes and after all this time they deserved to be able to just slow down for a moment and just  _enjoy_ themselves!

He'd never noticed before how bright Earth was.

Maybe it was because of the the pressure the game put on him or maybe it was because he had gotten so used to being either alone or around the same people, but he couldn't take how everything was so  _alive._ Everything spoke to him, and it was hard to tune everything out - and  _People_  were the worse offenders of this.

Before he entered the medium, and before he had ever even heard of the SPURB, he'd never had a problem dealing with others. Heck, he loved to be around them! He'd never have been able to improve on his prankster gambit if he hadn't had people to mess with! But it was always in good fun, and his friends always knew that. While Rose, Jade, and Dave were his best friends  _now,_ that hadn't been the case before.

The thing about SBURB is that, if a Scratch counts as a Hard Reset, then winning is the equivalent of chucking the save file AND the game out the window and into the abyss NEVER to be seen again.

Meaning that everything goes back to the way it was before we started playing. The only real noticeable difference is that the game decided to have some mercy on us, and wrote us into a world where we, y’know, actually we able to see one another on a daily basis. That, and it gave us memories to accommodate for the years that they all spend playing. It was weird -- at first, John had thought it was all a dream, until Rose and Dave and Jade had said they'd experienced it too. It wasn't hard to distinguish the memories, though.

Maybe that was its way of apologizing for screwing us all up.

Of course, he'd had to return to school, with friends that he knew but felt like he hadn't seen in a million years! And he'd gone to them expecting to enjoy himself and have a good time and just  _enjoy_ their company, but, just...that didn't happen.

He hung out in big groups. But the moment he'd so much as stepped into a  _classroom,_ he'd felt as though he was suffocating. Everyone was so vastly  _different_ \- not physically, well  _yes_ physically in the sense that everyone was their own special and unique snowflake, but he'd meant as to what they were  _feeling._

He'd felt everything. Every. Last.  _One._

The teacher was feeling stressed and the air around her was pricking and the girl in the first seat in the second row was angsting and wrapping the air around her throat and the boy in the back of the class was angry, so angry as it whipped around him and the girl behind him was daydreaming and was soft but beside him there was air that was trying to eat hers alive because he wanted her and then in front of him-

It went on, and he hadn't been able to take it and he had rushed out of the room  _so fast_ and he never looked back.

Jade had found him that day standing in the courtyard with his back pressed up against a tree. Trying to save face, he'd let out a rather  _breathy_  laugh and asked, " _How did you know I was here?"_ and she just gave a little smile and said, " _I always know where my brotherly hero is! Oh, and I saw you from the classroom window."_

And while he stared at her, fluctuations of anxiety flushed around her, and he just  _knew_ she was lying. But he hadn't said a word. Instead, he'd just smiled again - this time a bit better, now that he had got his barrings back - and said, " _Man, Jade! You know we were all heroes in that crazy thing! Besides, sneaking up on a prankster is the last thing you want to do...you never know what we might have planned."_ Neither one of them had gone back to class. Instead, they'd just turned and walked off campus, acting like nothing was wrong and that they totally  _weren't_ ditching school like the delinquents they only  _wish_ they could be.

Yeah, maybe being goody-two-shoes ran in the family. But at least John didn't have a mouth, like  _some people._ (He blamed Karkat. Really. He did.)

His dad had been understanding about the whole thing, even though John hadn't really told him what was wrong. It was really just some minced words about how the game had left him a little off balance, and he'd be back to normal in no time. And he could feel that his dad believed him - it was such a  _welcomed_ feeling against all of the constant deceit and jealousy and harshness that he constantly felt around him. Even his friends did it. But he'd gotten better and could at least sit in class - trying not to fidget, and sometimes failing - and then cower off during lunch to sit Rose, Dave, and Jade.

And that was okay. But everything about them seemed so...off. Dave's air seemed to be  _dripping_ off of him as opposed to electric sparks. Jade's was like some ADHD cat, what with all the twitching, and Rose's always seemed like it was trying to curl into itself and hide away.

Even then, he'd started to pull away, finding himself sitting alone because he couldn't even stand  _their_ presence. Which made him a horrible friend! And he really wanted to be there for them, because they all seemed so troubled, but he didn't know how to do that when he couldn't stand how everything was pressing down on him!

But it was okay. Even if it wasn't okay, he would be okay because he is the  _hero_ and that means he has to make sure everyone is fine.

So he'd decided to corner Dave one day and asked him about it.

He hadn't been expecting the answer he'd been given.

_Time is in my head._

It was a weird answer, and it had taken him explaining it for him to register that John was  _not alone._ The game had marked him, as well, and he could see the tell-tale signs that it was hitting him hard. Still, it made him wonder.

If  _time_ was in Dave's  _head_ , then John thinks that  _feeling_ was in the world's  _breath._

And it was sort of fitting! He'd never really  _controlled_ anything during the game. He'd never connected with anything. He'd just swayed things in certain directions.

It only makes sense that it would sway him now, too.

He's not sure how long he can deal with everyone, because they're slowly starting to eat him away by the core; overpowering him, and squishing him and eventually there will be nothing left.

But he hopes that he will last long enough to be there for his friends. To see them get better.

To see them overcome what the game has burdened them with, even if John is unable to do that himself.

* * *

 

  _Your name is JADE HARLEY, and you are aware of everything within your SPACE._

It's in a different way then it had been when she'd finally hit God Tier. Like...that was just sort of looking, and knowing how big or small you wanted to make something! Like building a robot or even playing with Lego's! All you needed was vision and you were set!

And space powers, of course, but that's sort of a given here.

But this wasn't like that. She could control everything before, but now that the game's over...it's just not the same.

It's like she's being punished! Had she done something wrong before? Was she too late in getting to God Tier, and this was what she got for being useless while her friends fought? She thought her powers were supposed to be a gift, not a big damn stupid nooksucking burden!

She tried not to be bitter about it, but sometimes she just couldn't help it! She has so many lines in her head, tracing everything she looks at, and it's just...nothing is  _right_ here! Even now, while she's sitting in Rose's room on a mat on the floor, she's closing her eyes and trying not to pay attention.

She's listening to  _Rose,_ of course, just...not...everything else.

"Jade, why don't you tell me what you're thinking?"

She was always someone who never had a problem with Rose's interest in the human mind. In fact, she'd always found it rather interesting and a complete contrast to herself. She knew things on a technological level, and Rose on a sociological. Jade could build a computer, but Rose could tell you why you're  _really_ doing things.

"I'm trying  _not_ to think!" she replies, trying to keep her voice from sounding  _too_ much like a whine. "Everything's completely off balance, Rose! Everything is just sooooo off kilt that I don't even know what to do with myself anymore!"

Jade opens her eyes, though it's only to rub her temples. In her immediately sight is a desk, since her head is turned slightly to the side, and it's hard to resist to - haha - growl. It's not completely  _even._

See, she doesn't think it's OCD, even though it technically is in a way but...not really. She doesn't have to touch things a thousand and one times just for her to feel 'complete,' but she does have an aching desire for things to just...to just be right!

If she were an artist, this might be a good thing, if she could get past the constant uncomfortable feeling that one side of her was heavier than the other.

Jade notices that Rose has followed her gaze to the desk, and she carefully asks, "What are you seeing right now?"

And she's so frustrated, that she doesn't even take the time to piece together the right words or even to wonder how she even  _knew_ that she was seeing something, because the next thing out of her mouth is, "Lines! It's a lifeline to everything! I can clearly see everything mapped out, the general relativity it holds to another object, it's tilt, its exact weight! If it is there, and I can see it, then I know. If something's off balance, I  _know._ And if was only limited to things that I could  _see,_ then I'd close my eyes and say I'm blind! But it's not because if I'm even in the same  _space_ \- I hate that word, I hate it so glubbing much! - then I still know! It leaves an impression on me in the space that I am occupying, because no matter where exactly it is, the lines always vibrate back to me!

"One or two dimensional, I can always feel or see it; a graph of its position against time! The picture it creates is like the worldline of the thing in spacetime. It's like a graph depicting the progress of a string as time passes by and can be obtained; the string - which is really only a one dimentional object, just a  _line_ by itself - is traced out on a surface - a two dimensional figure - which is the worldsheet! And then with the different..."

"Jade, you're treading into scientific territory that I know nothing about."

And she stops, because she's right; she's rambling and it's not like she can explain everything. Rose is psychological knowledge while Jade is spacetime knowledge.

She wishes she could just be dumb,  _so dumb,_ so she couldn't even comprehend the things she was seeing.

Jade turns her eyes up to Rose, like she's pleading, because she secretly is. She wants everything to just...to just stop! It's overwhelming, this weight, and she just wants to be able to breath again!

"I'm sorry," Jade says, head bowing down. "I'm going off on you, and you don't deserve that. I just...don't know what to do, you know?"

And when she lifts her head back up again, Rose is looking at her with an expression akin to maybe pity, and she nods like she understands.

"I do. You don't need to apologize. These sessions are to help you get things out, so you do not simply bottle them all up into yourself." She pauses, and then she smiles, and Jade realizes that she really does look pretty when she smiles  _normally,_ and not just in a sarcastic smirk, and continues. "Dave does the same thing, believe it or not. That 'coolkid' even needs some time to get things out."

And Jade is laughing, because that's all she can do. If she didn't laugh, she might cry, and that would just be embarrassing. It reminds her of how Jadesprite was, and she knows she never wanted to become like that. Plus, she never knew that Dave was seeing Rose. Was he having problems too?

"So...Dave comes here, too? Does he...?"

She doesn't finish the question, because she knows that Rose will understand and will tell her if she really thinks she should. And then she remembers that she has been told  _countless times_ about this 'doctor patient confidentiality,' but Jade thinks that whole rule is a bunch of hogwash! Dave is her  _friend,_ so she should know how she can help, too! She is not so incompetent and overwhelmed that she would place herself before her friends!

Rose is laughing then, like she's sharing a private little joke to herself, because that  _sly_ smile is back, like she knooooows something!

...Okay well, she  _really does_ know something, and that's why Jade is asking in the first place!

"Yes, Strider has his fair share of...quirks, as well. It seems that you are not the only one who has been left here with lingering abnormalities."

"Ohhhhh, really? Hm, what could a Knight of Time have left over?"

She's honestly curious, and besides that, it's good to keep herself talking and otherwise occupied. If she's concentrating on something else, then it's a little bit easier to not have a weight pressing down on one side of her, rocking her unbalanced.

"Yes, I was wondering the same thing myself when he first came to me. It took him a while to even admit what was really bugging him in the first place; such a stubborn person he can be sometimes.." Rose pauses only long enough to roll her eyes. "...But, it seems that he has been left with a lingering..tick, in his head. Like a clock, from what I have gathered. Always knows what time it is, as well. He compared it to, "Having some bad jams goin' on in your head, and instead of the crowd throwin' paper balls to show their disappointment, they're throwing rocks and pelting everyone on stage."

When Jade stops to picture that, she can see why that would be annoying. If his constant knowing of time is like her constant awareness of space, then she can  _certainly_ understand! And then another thought crosses her mind, and she's full-blown curious once again.

"Rose, y'know, if both Dave and I have things like this, then does that mean that you and John do...?"

When she asks, she realizes that she hates that she had to ask that question. The four of them were supposed to be friends, but here she was, learning something about Dave that she should have already known, and asking Rose about something that she should trust enough to tell us! And Jade doesn't know a thing about John, and he's steadily been pulling away from everyone, and she wonders, really, if their group is falling apart...

"I do not know anything about John, since he's not come to me like the two of you have. But...no. I don't have anything going on in my mind as you and Dave do."

And Jade frowns, because she thinks that it's weird. And she thinks it's weird that she thinks it's weird, because that means she's doubting her friends. She'd never do something like that, she'd always believe them, but...

It just felt like this game was tearing them apart more then it was bringing them together. Dave didn't even tell her that he was talking to Rose about that sort of thing! Though it would be wrong to hold that against him, because she never said anything to him either, which means she's contributing to everything as well...

"Jade," Rose says, delicately like her voice would break her. Maybe it would. She doesn't even know anymore what might tip her too much over the edge. "I'm sure Dave didn't tell you anything because he didn't want to worry you. And that's probably the same reason that you didn't tell him anything, either. You two came to me because you were worried about what the other might think of you. Nothing is wrong with that."

Jade realizes that while that might be true - that it  _is_ true, - she also comes here because Rose is her best friend and she always seems to know what to say. Despite how she acts, she cares soooo much about everyone that she's willing to listen to them while they're at their worst, and not  _judge_ them.

And she really,  _really_ does appreciate this!

So she ignores the lines for a moment and launches herself at Rose, who falls backwards onto her back on the pink bed, and hugs her. She ignores the strings and the way her mind adjusts to the new weight and how they are tilted and a dozen other micro-calculations that are going on, and just hugs her.

Because Rose needs to know that she's worth so much more then just a counselor to them, since Jade  _just knows_ that Dave certainly wouldn't say anything like that! She hugs her and she laughs and she pretends that everything was alright.

Briefly, she thinks that this might be a little bit how she would act if the game hadn't messed with her brain. Her and Rose would sit here and talk about boys and school and everything in between, and she'd hug her whenever she felt like it without ever having to worry!

She likes to pretend how things are, because she'll do anything to distract herself to her mental calculations that never stop. She'll rehash conversations and plan out complete scenarios in her head, and that's okay, because even the smallest things are worth doing in order to pretend everything is normal.

She repeats over and over in her head that this will all go away, and then things will be okay. Her friends will be as close as ever and nothing will tear them apart because they saved the damn  _world_ for petes sake!

But with her mind geared towards science and scales and logical probabilities, she can only dream in unlikely outcomes for so long.

But she'll pretend for as long as she can with her friends, because there is no where else she'd rather be. She'll perish knowing that they knew they were loved, and she would feel the same.

Even with her mind drowning in the  _weight of space,_ she'll still try.

* * *

 

  _Your name is ROSE LALONDE, and you can't close your mind from SIGHT._

It started out small. Tiny things would pass through her mind like a small echo, but it was always hard to gauge where they were stemming from. It had been very helpful through their endeavors in the Medium, if not a bit frustrating due to them being so vague. She had always had a decent amount of foresight when it came to her friends at that time, but she supposed that's why she  _had_ been given the title of Seer of Light.

It had taken her a while to figure out what exactly the class "Light" even meant. It had come much later, and through conversing with her patron troll about the matter, that it had to do with luck. One of the players in their session had been the Thief of Light, and because of her abilities, was able to realize that "Light" was the equivalent to "Luck."

And then proceeded to tell Rose that she had messed up and had been corrupted, so she was never able to reach her so-called "True Calling." She'd laughed it off at the time, commenting offhand that it reminded of a show that used to run on Earth before it was destroyed. Though it hardly seemed to matter now. They had won, in the end. True potential was just a way for people to fall in-step with that monstrosity of the game, and she was quite pleased with being able to follow her own path, and still come out on top.

But she was starting to wonder if that was really what had taken place here.

Yes, Rose was quite used to having foresight over actions mostly surrounding her friends.

What she was not used to was having sight into her friends  _thoughts._

She hadn't realized it immediately; first pawning it off as nothing more than a hunch. Perhaps she had become better acquainted with reading peoples feelings and moves. But she could no longer play it off when they started rehashing sentences verbatim to what she was hearing in her mind. It was like a quick step dance, and everyone else seemed to be a tad slower then her.

Her mind was too fast, so really, she was slow.

It wasn't as though she could even control what she heard; she could not simply stop, nor could she really control what she heard, or from who. No matter who she happened to be with, personally or just in the general area, she could hear their words echoing in her head in a convoluted cornucopia of speech.

In the beginning, if she was not paying attention, she would end up replying to things too quickly. She had to make sure to watch when people were speaking, so she didn't speak out too soon, and make things known. She did not believe that letting someone know that she was constantly reading the confounds of their mind would blow over very well.

And even to her own ear, there were certain things that she just did not wish to know. Guilt would form knots into her gut or rage would flutter over her skin and on occasion, blush making its way to her cheeks; all from things she did not wish to hear, or  _need_  to hear, for that matter.

Her mother was not being spiteful. She was genuine in her interest, and had always tried her best to  _be_  the best she could be. She would even humor Rose when she entered Strife with her on more than one occasion, believing that it was what  _she_ wanted. She constantly doubted herself as a parent because she was not cut out for this, there was no manual, and she had failed and that Rose herself had truly hated her.

Dave had a constant drone in his inner mind, which she had  _later_ figured out was that dreadful ticking noise, and his inner script was truly a depressing sight. She had always been faintly aware that Dave was simply made up of mostly bravado, but just how deep it was had never really occurred to her until she'd taken an unwanted peek. Never as good as his brother, inferior to John, too cold for Jade's taste, and too unintelligent for Rose herself.

Jade's mind was a ticking time bomb of equations that she could not ever come close to understanding in a million years. The girl was simply a genius, no doubt. But when her mind was not riddled with quantum anatomy and string theories, it was wondering about everyone else, the feelings she held for other people, and how far down her desires went. The poor girl was terrified of being left alone again, now that she had gotten a true taste of what it meant to have friends, physically, by her side.

And then there was John.

Rose had yet to come to understand what he was thinking; his mind was flooded with things of colors and wind, and it never quite made sense to her. As if the boy was thinking in feeling rather than in actual words. But on the off occasion a lucid, clear thought would make its way to her, she did not like what she heard. She cared for him, really, she did, but she did not know how to help him.

His thoughts were a complete contrast to the flashes of thoughts that would ring strong in her mind. While Jade might be suffering, she wore her heart on her sleeve, and it was easy to  _visually_ read her. Even without her "Witchy mind-seeing" powers, Rose could have easily broken her down and peeked into her core. And Dave was just as bad. Once you see past that passive cool-kid on the block attitude, the boy was quite simple, and constant. A breath of fresh air, really. He and Jade would certainly be a nice match.

Yet for some reason, John did not come across the same way. He had no qualms lying straight to anyone's faces. Before he had started distancing himself, Rose had to fight for composure and resist the urge to call him out on his thinking. He will laugh and grin and joke whilst simultaneously thinking that it is the end of the world and he is going to die.

And it bothered  _her_  that she did not know what was bothering  _him._

He was the one person who had not sought her out. And perhaps it was for the same reason that Harley had not confided in Strider, and why he did did not to her. While it was a possibility, it wasn't one she thought held much weight. Rose had to give credit where credit was due; he did very well in keeping his appearances up so no one was alerted of his distress. Dave was getting a little rough around the edges, and Jade was starting to look more than a tad ruffled.

Rose had told her days ago that she did not have anything going on in her mind as she and Dave did. And while it was an act of omission, she did not see it as a complete lie. Their situation and hers were radically different, if only in the sense that hers was...manageable.

It also helped that she had taken to speaking to one of the Trolls who constantly had voices droning out in their heads as well. One of them heard the voices of those who would soon be swept away in death's embrace, while the other heard those who had already crossed over. They made a cute couple. Perhaps they could join forces and save the troll world with their duel powers.

All joking aside, however, she did not know what she was supposed to do. It did not take a Seer to tell that her friends were slowly breaking apart, and crumbling in on themselves as well. And while Rose might not exactly be the best at expressing her feelings - alexithymia was a term she was intimately familiar with - she was not devoid of them. She loved each one of them, and wished to do nothing short of protecting them. Even from themselves.

Though she did not know how she was going to go about this. She did not control the world and how it worked. It was not as though she could alchemize the ultimate elixir to fix all woes. If she could, she would have done it ages ago.

**tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA] **

 

** [TT] There's something I would like to speak to you about, if you have the time.**

**  [GA] Yes, I Have Plenty Of Time To Spare Currently.  **

** [GA] The Ending Of The Game And Rebirth Of The Troll Universe Has Allowed That.**

** [TT] Glad to hear.  **

** [TT] I presume everything is going well over there? **

** [GA] Yes Things Have Been Going Very Smoothly, It Is A Little Bit Uncanny.**

** [GA] But Perhaps I Have Just Grown Accustomed To The Bloodshed And Havoc That We Were Forced To Partake In During Our Rolls In Destroying The Universe.**

** [GA] And Then Re-Creating It.**

** [GA] But I Assume That You Contacted Me For Reasons Other Than To Inquire About Our World.**

** [TT] Yes, you would be correct in that, but it is good to hear that you are safe and that things are going well. **

** [TT] I feel like we never have time to chat anymore. **

** [GA]That Is Because You Are Always Running Around With Those Who You Deem To Be More Important Than I, Rose.**

 [TT] Your sarcasm is astounding, Kanaya; you seem to get better with each passing day.

** [TT] I'm so proud. **

 [GA] Thank You, However That Last Part Seemed As Though It Was Not As Genuine?

 [TT] You'd be correct, but that only solidifies my former statement about you getting better.

**[TT] I am impressed however, and I mean that genuinely. **

** [TT] But as you have said, as lovely and welcoming as this familiar bantering is, it is not why I contacted you.**

 [GA] Yes, That Is True.

** [GA] What Is It That Troubles You?**

 [TT] It has to do with my friends. 

** [TT] It is a bit embarrassing to admit, but I don't really know what I should do about them. **

[GA]  Rose.

** [GA] From What This Sounds Like, You Need Actual Advice Rather Than Just Someone To Listen To, And I Am Usually One For The Latter Statement. **

** [GA] At Least When It Comes To The Matter Of Friendship. **

** [GA]Perhaps You Should Contact Someone Else For This Sort Of...Thing.**

** [GA] Maybe Karkat Would Be Good To Converse With; For All That He Is Loud, He Does Give Rather Sound Advice, Oddly Enough. **

** [TT] Karkat, the loud one? I remember him, Jade and John spoke about him a lot. **

** [TT] Rather loud quite loud, but I'll take your advice.  **

** [TT] Can I have his handle here? **

** [GA]Of Course.**

** [GA] carcinoGeneticist. **

** [GA] Be Aware, He Has Destroyed Yet Another Keyboard In A...Bigger Fit Of Rage Then Usual, And Sollux Has Been Unwilling To Give Him Another One Until He Proves That He Can Handle One Properly.**

** [GA] So Keep In Mind That You Will Have To Vocally Speak, And Try Not To Get Too Frustrated Over His Lewd And Foul Mouth. **

** [GA] He Tends To "Flip His Shit" Over Just About Anything.**

** [TT] I'll keep that in mind. Jade picked up most of her language from him...That mixed with the fish puns can get a little weird.  **

** [TT] But I should be able to keep my composure with him long enough to get things handled.**

** [TT] Thank you again, and I hope things continue to go swimmingly with you.**

**[GA] Was That The Irony That Dave Spoke About? **

** [GA] With The Fish Puns? **

** [TT] ...It was unintentional. **

****tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]** **

Fish puns. She had been reduced to partaking in  _fish puns._ Rose really hoped that never got around to Jade, or  _Dave_ for that matter, because she didn't think that she would ever hear the end of it. And John might even be worse about it...

Either way, she quickly input a request for Karkat, and only could hope that he would answer. And when she saw that he popped online for her, she immediately went to work. Trolls could be a difficult group to work with, but Rose had grown somewhat accustomed to it.

And she would refuse to let her feelings get the better of her when it came to those she cared about. She didn't care if he turned out to be the biggest, most repulsive, ill-mannered creature in existence. She would endure it.

She was the  _Seer,_ after all. She was there to be the one to  _guide_ her friends. She would be their  _Light._

* * *

 

  _Your name is KARKAT VANTAS, and you have an UNCANNY ABILITY to form ALLIANCES with the alien creatures that you helped to CREATE._

He was really starting to get really god-damned pissed off that he was being kept from owning a fucking keyboard. He did not understand  _why exactly_ his damn friend decided to be such a grublicking puss-sack of excrement about this whole thing. He wouldn't have even destroyed the stupid thing if people could use their BRAINS here, but NO. He got to be punished because he had enough SANITY to get annoyed with their INSANITY.

Though it wasn't as though the thing was completely busted. Just enough to make him look like a complete fucking retard if he tried to type, because half of the letters were completely useless since they wouldn't even fucking respond to being pressed.  _Fuck you, Terezi. Fuck you and your mutant senses and you're drool-filled computer screen and you're obsession with COLORS. My blood isn't fucking candy! It smells like gunk-rust metal!_

But his inner ranting was cut short when a small window popped up on his screen, and he sighed.

He didn't know why he continued to contact these people. Probably for the same reason some of the others did, seeing as they managed to go through the same shit, and they technically  _did_ help Karkat get out of their null session. He could see that. And maybe also because they were like, little grubsucking shits and he felt sort of responsable when things went wrong, because maybe he fucked up and that things are wrong because he's a fucking failure of a creator and a killer, because WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND gives a WHOLE. UNIVERSE. CANCER.

The biggest pathetic waste of space in the entire galaxy, that's who. Yep. he owned that title. Woo-fucking-Hoo.

****ectoBiologist [EB] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]** **

**** [EB] uhhh, hey karkat! ** **

****[EB] just wanted to see what you were up to!** **

****[EB] unless you're not here** **

****[EB] in which case i guess i can't really bug you! ** **

****[EB] doesn't seem like you're idle though... ** **

****[EB] kaaaaaaaarkaaaaaaaat! ** **

****[CG] OH MY O, WHAT I IT.** **

**** [CG] TOP USIN THAT EIGHT THING ** **

****[CG] VRIKA DIE UT EIYH A I I ** **

****[EB] ummmmm... ** **

****[EB] you okay there? because what you're saying isn't really making any sense! ** **

Karkat literally had to facepalm. His hand connected with his face, and he sighed, because he  _just got done thinking about how fucking retarded he would sound using this piece of shit keyboard._ And he still used it. Like the idiot he is, he STILL used it.

****tentacleTherapist [TT] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]** **

****[TT] Hello, Karkat. ** **

****[TT] I'm not sure if you remember me, since we never got much time to talk while we were in the Veil. ** **

****[TT] But my name is Rose; I believe that you're more acquainted with my friend John? ** **

** [TT] I need to speak with you as soon as possible. **

He sneered. What was with these humans today? First Jade had messaged him earlier in the evening and started talking about her no-longer-lusus dog, then John, and now John's stupid love interest! God DAMN IT.

****[TT] Also, as I have been informed that you are quite prone to "flipping out," I already know about your...noodle incident with the keyboard.** **

****[TT] You can simply use the voice call feature and we can speak there, so you don't have to go through the trouble of trying to speak in broken English.** **

Well, at least someone had some brains. This girl, Rose, reminded him a lot of Kanaya...fuck, she was probably some overly-wordy fanatic that would run her mouth non-stop with a bunch of useless phrases.

Even so, Karkat decided that he might as well humor her. It would mean that he wouldn't have to try typing, and it would give him something to pass the time while he was being..."disciplined" with his keyboard privileges. So he decided to do as she asked, just this once, and slipped on his headset and pressed the "CALL" button.

After two rings, he could hear shuffling, followed by a female voice.

" _I'm glad that you decided to contact me. I was worried that you were going to brush me off."_

Karkat huffed; rolling his eyes as he crossed his legs in his computer chair and leaned back; eyes no longer glued to the computer screen. "Yeah, well I didn't see any real reason not to. Not like I fucking had anything better to do at the moment. I can't even fucking code without a fucking proper keyboard! By the way, what the hell is a 'Noodle incident'?"

There was a small, guarded laugh on the other end of the line, and seriously, what the hell was funny about that? Coding was serious shit. He might not be the best of it, but it was something to do and he sure as hell wasn't going to admit out loud that he was bad at it. Especially not to  _some people._ And who the hell thinks up the word 'noodle?' It was a nonsense word!

" _A noodle incident is something from the past that is referred to, but never outright explained. I can certainly see where that comment about foul language came from. You said some variation of the word 'Fuck' at least four times in your reply."_

Fidgeting in his chair, he growled out another reply.

"Foul language? Are you my fucking Lusus now or something? Christ, who even  _gave_ you my troll handle in the first place! Honestly, It had to be either John or Jade - fuck, those names are annoying to say one after another. Why the hell would they even give it to you! It's not like I would want to talk to another fucking human! I've already had to deal with Egburt and Harley today!"

There's another small pause on the other end of the line, and Karkat remains quiet. Though it wasn't too long before the silence was broken.

" _Ah. The Lusus is the equivalent of a human parent, correct? I'm resisting the urge to crack a very cliché "Yo' Lusus" joke. But to address your question, neither one of them gave it to me. It was actually Kanaya; she said that you may be able to help me understand the situation I'm in a bit better. But...about John contacting you. When was this?"_

Kanaya. Of course. Why the fuck didn't he realize that before. He'd known about her speaking with Rose, since she was one of the people who kept in fairly steady contact with the humans. Karkat wasn't sure what she saw in her, but whatever. It's not really his business to track what she did, since there were no more teams and he didn't have to worry about people  _dying_ on his watch.

But he fucking called that. She speaks like her. Of  _course_ she had been the one to hand over his account.  _Way to ask my damn opinion about it first._

"Oh, right. I guess I should have seen that. A, leave my Lusus out of this. B, what situation are you talking about, and I haven't SAID that I was going to help you yet. And C, I spoke to Egbert actually...a few seconds before you contacted me. Though it was really short, and I haven't gotten back to him on account that my keyboard is bashed to shit and back, and he couldn't really make heads or tails as to what I was saying. Why? Shouldn't the two of you be able to speak with one another freely now? He's told me before that you all live in hives that are pretty close to one another."

" _You mean houses. But yes, we do, and that's part of this situation that I'm talking about. He hasn't been...speaking to me, that often. None of us actually. And I'm starting to get worried."_

"Then shouldn't you be talking to, oh I don't know,  _him_ about this? Going behind his fucking back seems like a  _great way_ to get him to say things to you," he growls. No, he doesn't have anything against the girl, and he doesn't  _care,_ but fuck. This was just too damn obvious and WOW, shouldn't she be smarter than this?

But as though it was an echo to his thoughts, she lets out a rather exasperated sigh before she decided to reply.

" _If I thought that a conversation with him could bear any fruit, I certainly would have done that already. Surely you are aware that I am able to see into people's minds? I have deduced that questioning him on this matter would get me no answers, since he is deadset on keeping this aspect closed off to me. Which is why I am confiding in you, Vantas. I would not go to such backhand measures if it was not a last resort; I'd appreciate if you at least gave me some credit."_

"Oh, well Pardon Me  _Lalonde,_ for no being able to see this shit. I'm not giving you any credit because GOD KNOWS how many times you've fucked up before. Now what the fuck sort of thing are you wanting me to tell you?"

Yes, he knew that the girl could spy on people's thoughts. He'd listened to Aradia and Sollux talking about it quite a few times, and known that they'd occasionally contact one another about the thing. Apparently having voices in people's heads was starting to become a new fad, or something, but either way. His own voice was good enough. Even that seemed to piss him off sometimes-He didn't need something ELSE ticking him off.

" _Your sarcasm here is duly noted. But I want to know if John has...mentioned anything to you. After effects of the game; similar to how I was left with the ability to 'read minds,' Jade's space-awareness, and Dave's time-aptitude. I can't figure him out, and I'm worried. If it's affecting him in the same way that it's bugging my friends, then...I fear that things might go very, very wrong, very soon."_

"What? Wait, why would there be an issue with Egbert? Am I missing something? Since when has Jade and Mr. Don't-Touch-My-Cape had these issues?"

There's another small chuckle on the other end of the line, but Karkat finds no humor here. If there's something up, he wants to fucking know.

" _They've seemed to have had them since the game ended_ _. And while I might be 'okay' with my after effects, those other two have not been adjusting very well. It doesn't take a Seer to notice that they are slowly deteriorating. And John has just been pulling away from us. I don't..."_ There's a small pause, and Karkat wonders if she's lost her composure. But if she had, she regained it rather quickly. " _I just don't want to lose them, without at least putting up a fight. But I can't save them if I don't know the root of the problem."_

Karkat frowns, and leans forward again in his chair and puts his feet back onto the ground. Staring at the computer screen, at his unfinished conversation with Egbert, he can't help but wonder if he  _has_ missed something.

As much as he hates to admit it, he can sort of understand where the human girl was coming from. He knows how it feels to be completely powerless, to watch as your friends completely fade away to nothing. But this time, there were no re-do's, no dream selves, no God Tier.

Just death.

And he doesn't want to imagine that happening because fuck, maybe he does see John as a friend. It's kind of hard not to, seeing as they sort of helped one another save the world. Worlds.

They fucking saved two goddamn  _universes._ He couldn't -  _didn't_  - want to believe that he would just waste away  _after_ everything was said and done. Wasn't this supposed to be one of those fucking "happily ever after" sort of situations?

"Look, I understand where you're coming from," he states, voice noticeably lower and more calm then it had been before. "But I haven't noticed anything. But maybe,  _maybe_  it was because I hadn't been looking. He always acted the same with his fucking exuberant way of speaking."

" _A big word there, Vantas. But I agree; when we were together he managed to keep face rather well. I was impressed. But it didn't change the fact that I could peak into his mind, and things were certainly not alright, despite his outward persona."_

"Fuck you, leave my vocabulary out of this."

" _As you wish. But honestly...if you really understand, then you'll know that watching someone deteriorate is..probably on the same level of 'suck' as attending a funeral. Only it lasts longer."_

Karkat blinks; confused at the statement. "Wait, what? I thought funerals were something like a big damn corps party?"

Rose is quiet, again, before she decides to say anything.

" _...Oh dear. I suppose we never did get to clearing that up. No, that is not what it is, I had said that during the time where we were all still trolling one another. Dave even lamented it when Aradia first showed herself to us as a God Tier."_

"Oh jesus. What the fuck  _are_ they then?"

" _A time for grieving; a moment of solace for those who have been left behind to gather. I apologize for deceiving you."_

"Whatever. Look, what is it you want me to do, because I don't really have all day."

" _I'm glad that you're willing to cooperate. As frustrating as it is for me, it seems that John speaks to you more then he does the three of us. If you wouldn't mind, I'd like you to try and see if you can get anything out of him. It doesn't matter how small or insignificant it is; anything would be helpful."_

"Fine, okay. I can do that. But I can't promise that I'll get anything out of him! So don't, like, get your hopes up or anything alright?"

" _I appreciate the sentiment behind that statement, Vantas. I'll cut our conversation here; it seems that there isn't anything more that needs to be said. That, and Dave's here for our meeting. I think he'd be annoyed to hear that I was blowing him off for his...kismesis."_

"Oh fuck off! A complete Fuckwad like him isn't even WORTH being called my-"

  ** **tentacleTherapist [TT] has ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [GC]****

"..Kismesis. Fucking whatever!"

Kicking the desk to roll himself backwards in his chair, Karkat let out an annoyed grumble. He hadn't been expecting to have that sort of conversation. He thought things had been going good and, shit, he didn't know things had been going so  _bad._ It almost seemed like some sick joke. The trolls prosper, while the main humans who made is possible in the first place, suffer.

That was irony, if he ever saw it.

Karkat scowled and made his way out the door of his respiteblock and strode down the hall; destination clear in sight. Now, at the very least, he had an actual legit  _reason_ for wanting to get a new fucking keyboard!

When he reached the door he was looking for, he didn't even bother knocking; he just swing the barrier open and walked in, eyes narrowed and directed at the guy perched in front of his husktop.

"What the everloving  _Fuck,_ kk! Next time try fucking  _knocking_ or thomething! You nearly gave me a god-damn  _heart attack!"_

He had to admit, it was a little funny to see Sollux staring at him all wide-eyed like that. It wasn't every day that he managed to get one in on him, so he took every little victory he could get. But at the moment, that was not what he was here for, and he had to suppress the smirk that had been trying to make its way on his face.

He settle with a scowl instead.

"Fucking deal. Look, I need a keyboard, so stop being such a stingy asshole and  _hand one over already!"_

Sollux, who had - sadly - already recovered from his little scare, managed to set an equally annoyed scowl on his face. "No way, fuckweed. Knowing you, you'll justht break it again and then come crying to me all over again, begging for a new one! I don't thee why I should wathte my preciouth technology on you."

He really hated dealing with Sollux sometimes. Like,  _really_ hated it. Like quadrant-jumping hatred. Though he'd be damned if he said that out loud, especially right now. So he simply growled back, fists tightened and bared at his side.

"Damn it, this isn't the damn time! I got shit I need to take care of, and I can't exactly get it done unless I have a something that actually works!"

While he was previously sitting, Sollux was now standing up in front of his chair and glaring at him through his classes. Jeez, the venom in his gaze could just be bottled and sold to the killer drones.

"Oh really? pleathe, enlighten me ath to what you actually think of ath 'important.' And no, your shitty coding doeth not in the leatht bit count!"

Karkat, getting actually a little bit  _annoyed_ now at this exchanged, barked back loudly. "No, it has nothing to do with my programing you smug asshole! Believe it or not, I do engage in some actually  _important and relevant_ shit!"

"Shit ith thtill shit, kk," he replies calmly with, grin plastered straight on his face now. Karkat wants to punch him. "Bethideth. What could thomeone ath pathetic ath you do that would count ath 'important?' You pretty much fail in everything you do. Maybe me not handing over a keyboard ith actually a 'gift in dithguithe.' I'm thaving you from the sting of failure."

And then Karkat does the unthinkable; he actually  _flinches._ Physically noticeable, face scrunching up, tentative step back, head turned away and to the ground.

 _Fuck_ he is pathetic for letting that get to him.

He tries to steady himself, glare back at him like nothing happened, but it's too late.

Sollux is already looking at him with a rather surprised look, but it's not the same as it was when he'd startled him when he came barging in; no, this was just about akin to near  _pity._ Fuck, fuck.

"Dude, what the fuck ith going on with you? You've never believed anything I've thaid about you before. What happened?"

Karkat can't see his eyes behind his glasses, but he can see the way that his eyebrows are bunched up in that stupid picture of concern. He didn't  _want_ to answer this. It wasn't even any of Sollux's damn  _business._

"The humans are being stupid. Lalonde contacted me out of the blue, saying something was up with her hero-entourage. Apparently she's not the only one with some Troll-Jedi mind powers - well not exactly. Strider's apparently got some weird issue with time, and Harley got some space-cadet problems in her head. And she's worried about Egbert because she doesn't know anything about what's with him, but she knows it's something, and she apparently thinks that this shit is going to completely hit the fucking fan. It is going to hit it so hard that shit is going to fly everywhere, and desecrate on everything you love and cherish. So since him and I have apparently had more contact then her or her other little friends, she wants me to see if I can figure this shit out so it CAN'T hit the fan. I don't fucking know."

But he told him anyway. And Sollux just listened, his mouth pressed up in a straight line so Karkat couldn't even tell what he was thinking. It made him fidget uncomfortably, because he just  _knew_ he was staring at him behind those fucking shades, and Karkat didn't like talking about this shit because it made him uncomfortable. He had no problem talking with  _other_ people about  _their_ feelings, but he was never one to curl up in a pile and talk about his  _own._

And when the first thing he does is frown, it doesn't make the situation any better.

"Alright. I'll give you one. Jutht, don't break it or thomething thith time. And if you have a convorthation with him, I want to be there."

And  _that_ was not something that he had been expecting.

"What the fuck? Why? It doesn't even concern you-"

"Yeth, it thort of doeth. In an offhand thort of way. Death pretty much liketh to knock on my mind'th door before it taketh thomeone away. And the more in-tune with thomeone I am, I can thort of hear and pick out voiceth to thee if they're in immediate danger." He pauses, his frown deepening before he continues. "And while I don't really have much of a relationthip with thith kid, he apparently meanth thomething to you. And... Well, I don't want to thee you moping around here like it'th the end of the world if thomething were to happen to him!"

Karkat doesn't respond; he simply turns around and starts walking out the door. It doesn't take much time for Sollux to grab a spare keyboard from a pile and quickly follow suit after him.

****carcinoGeneticist [CG] has started trolling ectoBiologist [EB]** **

****[EB] hey! you're back!** **

****[EB] what happened there anyway?** **

****[CG] SORRY. THE KEYBOARD THAT I WAS USING ENDED UP GETTING BUSTED TO SHIT, SO SOME OF THE KEYS WEREN'T WORKING.** **

****[CG] AND ONLY A FEW MINUTES AGO DID THE TECH-HOARDER DECIDE TO BE SO GIVING AND ACTUALLY PART WITH ONE OF THE FUCKING THINGS** **

****[CG] ASSHOLE.** **

[EB] oh! haha, maybe you should try not to abuse the keyboard?

****[EB] i know you get mad, but slamming on those innocent keys doesn't really transfer your anger over text any more then gently pushing them would!** **

****[CG] THANK YOU, SMARTASS.** **

****[CG] YOUR INFINITE KNOWLEDGE HAS TRULY ENLIGHTENED ME.** **

****[CG] I DON'T KNOW HOW I MANAGED TO LIVE BEFORE YOU HAD BESTOWED YOUR INSIGHT ONTO ME.** **

****[CG] I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT; I DON'T FUCKING KNOW HOW I EVER LASTED WITHOUT IT.** **

****[CG] PRAISE FUCKING BE.** **

****[EB] haha whatever dude!** **

"Look, are your mind-ghosts hearing anything yet?"

Karkat turned his head to look over at Sollux, who was hovering quietly behind him.

"They're not ghosth, thince they aren't even dead yet. But no. Try calling; it'th better then trying to read text that can't really betray any real genuine feelingth."

"What the fuck, feelings?"

Sollux just rolled his eyes; he knew from the exasperated sigh he so  _dramatically_ let out.

"Don't quethtion me, kk. I don't make the ruleth on thith matter. I jutht know how shit workth."

****[CG] HEY, LOOK** **

****[CG] THIS THING IS STILL BEING FUCKING ANNOYING** **

**** [CG] AND I'M PRETTY SURE THIS FUCKWEED GAVE ME A DAMAGED KEYBOARD INTENTIONALLY, JUST BECAUSE HE WANTED TO SPITE MY FUCKING ASS.  ** **

****[EB] aw man, your friend sounds like he can be a handful!** **

****[CG] ...YOU HAVE NO IDEA.** **

Karkat had hardly gotten the last sentence out before Sollux was smacking him upside the head; earning a small yelp of surprise out him.

"The fuck dude?"

"You're agreeing that  _I'm_ a handful? You're even worthe!"

Groaning, Karkat turned back to the computer without answering him. He was  _not_ going to humor this one. If he did, it probably wouldn't end in his favor anyway.

****[CG] ANYWAY LOOK.** **

****[CG] GET ON THAT STUPID VOICEBOX EMULATOR SO WE CAN TALK.** **

[CG] THIS KEYBOARD IS A PIECE OF SHIT COOKED OVER IN A MICROWAVE.

****[EB] umm weeeeeeeell...okay, i guess that's fine!** **

****[CG] I'M GOING TO FUCKING MURDER YOU IF YOU KEEP UP WITH THAT SHIT.** **

****[EB] 88888888)** **

* * *

 

_Your name is JOHN EGBERT, and you are...TIRED._

****[CG] ANYWAY LOOK.** **

****[CG] GET ON THAT STUPID VOICEBOX EMULATOR SO WE CAN TALK.** **

****[CG] THIS KEYBOARD IS A PIECE OF SHIT COOKED OVER IN A MICROWAVE.** **

****[EB] uhmm weeeeeeeell...okay, i guess that's fine!** **

****[CG] I'M GOING TO FUCKING MURDER YOU IF YOU KEEP UP WITH THAT SHIT.** **

****[EB] 88888888)** **

Honestly, he hadn't really wanted to speak to Karkat. Well, he had, but he didn't know if he actually wanted to use his  _voice._ Personally, John had no problem with speaking himself, it was just...

Other people. If he could hear them, then he could get a pretty good inclination as to how they were feeling. It was just a thing. They more connected he was with someone, or the closer they were, the more overpowering their presence was over him. It was weird, and he wasn't even sure he completely understood it himself!

He was just all feeling these days. It was like his thoughts and words were fading into nothing and being covered by the haze of emotions that people were constantly giving off. He couldn't even see his  _friends,_ and he really missed them. He hoped they didn't hate him.

But instead of focusing on his thoughts, John pressed the call button and listened at the rings - One, Two, Three - and then heard an answer.

" _Hey. This thing is working still, right? You can hear me?"_

John smiled a little bit before he adjusted his own microphone, making sure everything was in place.

"Yeah! Loud and clear Karkat!"

He thinks he hears some quiet murmuring of some kind on the other end, and wonder if he's talking to someone, or if he's mumbling to him self about  _something_ or another. That was still Karkat's thing; arguing with  _himself!_ Faintly, John remembers one of the trolls telling him one day that, they didn't think Karkat would ever be able to form a proper...kismesis?...because he hated himself too much!

And while he wasn't exactly an expert at troll romance - due to the fact that he finds it  _silly_ to have a friendship/relationship build on hatred, if it helped him stop being so  _hard_ on himself, he hoped that he did get into one of those things!

" _Yeah, okay good. So what's with you? I'm pretty sure that you've been pestering the hell out of me more than usual. Mind telling me WHY exactly you feel the need to do that?"_

Oh. Had be been doing that?

"Well, uh...y'know, I just like talking to you!" It was true! John really did enjoy Karkat's company! It had been fun talking to him during the game, and sort of funny to watch him constantly troll him and his friends. Out of all the trolls, he felt more relaxed with Karkat despite his  _coooooooonstant_ anger. "Besides, it's not like you ever don't answer me! So that says that you can't really hate it no matter what you say."

Or at least he hopes not. No, he's pretty sure Karkat doesn't hate him. He's just in a constant foul mood with everyone! Equality in grumpyness.

" _Whatever! My feelings on the potential human emotion of friendship are not important right now!"_

"But Karkat! Friendship is maaaaaaaagic!"

Okay, he definitely heard another sound pick up on the microphone that  _wasn't_ his friend's annoyed groan. And that sound was  _totally_ someone else trying not to laugh.

" _What, are you... Are you fucking KIDDING me?! Did you just SERIOUSLY FUCKING talk about that GOD-AWFUL_ _My Little Hoofbeast_ _here? Because I think you just fucking did. I have had to hear Nepita prancing around singing that stupid THEME SONG for DAYS ON END. And hearing Equius sing it was just...awkward. Bottom line, I REFUSE to be corrupted and become a goddamn "brobeast," because I do have a sliver of self-respect left!"_

And John can't keep himself from laughing, out loud, because he didn't know that there was a variation of that show on Alternia as well! Though he supposed that he shouldn't be surprised, since there was also a Troll Will Smith and a Troll John Cusack.

But he wasn't sure how much longer he could actually keep up this conversation, even though they had really just started! But even John could feel Karkat's essence bleeding into his room and swirling around, and it was...sort of distracting.  _Really_ distracting. Even while he's ranting, he's not getting the sense that he's actually  _angry_ or even  _annoyed..._

Wait. Why in the world was Karkat so worried?

" _Shut up, this isn't funny!"_

"Whatever helps you sleep at night~! But um, Karkat, is something bothering you? Like you uhh.. it just feels like something is off with you?"

" _What? No, there isn't. Why? What makes you think something like that?_

John frowned, because he knew that he was being lied to. He hated that he could always tell that! But he never knew if they were lying on  _purpose._ Like, he knew that some people would trick themselves into thinking that everything was okay when it really wasn't, so they can just blissfully pretend, but John could feel all that pent up emotion that seemed to always be crawling just underneath their skin.

And Karkat seemed to...not be the exception of this rule, even though he was a whole universe away from him. John didn't know what he was supposed to think about that.

"Uh, you know. It was just a feeling I got!"

 _Yeah, feeling,_ he thought dully. The good thing about this was that he could freely frown here, without people commenting. He was sort of glad that he was only using this for voice chat, and not video as well. Karkat was very much a feeling person, he was sure, despite how much he decided to put up a front.

" _A feeling? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I'm pretty damn sure that I'm not acting like the world is fucking collapsing in on me. Are you delusional or something?"_

He stays quiet for a moment, because that's exactly how  _he_ feels.

"Uhmm..." And then he realizes that he's tired. Very, very tired. But very awake. Very aware, and very overwhelmed. "...I might be delusional."

His voice drops an octave, no longer keeping it at his usual, chipper tone. He doesn't have the energy to do it. It feels like everything is just being sucked out of him, each time the world around him breaths.

" _Move over, idiot -"_ John realizes that this is a different voice from the one before, " _-Ow! Fuck, you could have just said something instead of just pushing me-Hey!"_ and he's not sure he can tell who it is. " _Hey. Human. Explain what you mean, pleathe. About being deluthional and thith 'feeling' you got."_

It takes him a minute, but it eventually clicked into place who the other voice was. He  _knew_ had heard someone else in there before, and judging from that lisp and what he knew about Karkat's friends, that was Sollux. Who as he was told numerous times, was  _not_ his hate-friend.

"Well, I don't really know? I don't think it was anything-"

" _Cut the bullthit, kid. I can hear your voice echoing in my mind, tho it would be in your betht interetht to get thith out in the open right now. Before people are left having to pick up the pieces that_ you _allowed to get scattered tho horribly."_

He's not exactly sure what he means, but John's surprised at his statement most of all. It's not like there were many people who were able to call him on his bluffs; at least, not usually. He thinks that Rose had done it a few times, but it was kind of like the words died in her mouth when he would ask her why she thought he was lying.

"Look, I think I have to go do something-"

" _EGBERT I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU HANG UP THIS THING WITHOUT TELLING ME JACK SHIT, I AM GOING TO BE SO FUCKING PISSED OFF YOU HAVE NO IDEA. I AM SICK OF YOU HIDING THINGS FROM ME, SO IF YOU EVEN MEANT IT A LITTLE BIT WHEN YOU WANTED ME TO BE YOUR FRIEND, THEN DAMN IT YOU BETTER SHOW ENOUGH DECENCY TO TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON."_

He knows it's Karkat speaking again, if only by the sheer volume, and he can tell he means it. His rage and hurt is sizzling over the microphone and coiling itself around John's arms and neck, and for a moment, if feels like he's drowning in breathable water.

"Look, I...don't know how to explain it, okay?"

He hears something - or some _one_ \- being shoved in the background, and the person who speaks is not Karkat, but his friend.

" _Jutht tell me the betht you can, in any way you can. Lalonde had trouble talking about it with AA and I ath well, but we were eventually able to get a clear enough picture to try and figure out wayth to make thingth...manageable._

Wait, Lalonde? "Rose? What do you mean, Rose had something too? I mean I knew Dave but..."

" _Don't derail the thubject at hand. But yeth, there were abnormalitieth with her ath well. Lalonde'th able to hear the thoughth of otherth. But we aren't talking about her right now, we're talking about_ You.  _Tho get explaining, kid."_

Rose.

He'd never stopped to question if maybe something had been going on with her, too. Or well, he had, but each time he'd asked she had told him no...but then again, he'd said the same thing to her. And Dave. And Jade.

It's only been three months since they'd gotten out. How could things have gone so wrong in this amount of time? He didn't understand, and maybe he didn't want to.

And maybe that was a problem all in  _itself._ He'd spent so much time trying to convince himself that nothing was wrong, that everything was okay and everything was going to turn out all right, that he had completely jaded himself! He couldn't even stand the truth of things. All he would allow himself to see was how pretty the colors were.

"...It's weird. Like...I don't hear voices, or anything, if that's what you're thinking. But I can just sort of... _feel_ people, you know? Like their very personality is breathing inside them, inhaling the world around them, and exhaling their emotions. I just...I can see it. See it and feel it and it's...almost like a physical presence at times."

Sollux cuts him off and asks, " _What do you mean when you thay it'th a 'phythical prethence,' exactly?"_

John pauses and thinks about this for a moment; trying to piece together a good way to explain it. What he comes up with isn't exactly perfect, but then again, what even  _is_ these days?

"Like...it's like something's fluttering against your skin. Like earlier! When Karkat raised his voice at me, I could feel all the pent up energy within him being released - it  _is_ like energy, now that I think about it! It's intangible and you can completely see through it, but it's like a whisking strand of colored breeze that sort of just...flows over me, and joins with my own.

"It's...overpowering. When I go out in public, around a lot of people, it's unbearable because every single person is just feeling  _so much,_ and there's only so much that I can take in! It just ends up being some giant ball of nonsense flowing inside my body and..I just, I can't take it. It's a sensory overload!

"Even with just you two, your breath is swallowing me up. I can feel that you're deathly worried about something and that you're curious, and those two things are swirling around each other and curling itself around me! And with Karkat mixed in it's even worse, because he's  _so strong_ in everything he does, even feelings! It's just too much!"

John has a hard time believing that he just said all of that, but at the moment, he can't really think very well in the first place. It's like he's watching his own body go on auto pilot, and he's just this quiet little over-seer in the passengers seat.

And it's like he hits a revelation that he can't understand how he overlooked before, because it seems so  _obvious!_

"... _I thee. And...thith hath been going on thince you got back to your own world?"_

He smiles, because he doesn't need to be worried anymore.

"Yeah! But, oh wow, I guess saying this out loud really helped! Because now everything totally makes sense! Man, I don't know how I managed to miss this... Haha, I'm so slow sometimes! Anyway, thanks, but I've got something I need to take care of! Bye Sollux, bye Karkat! Thanks for everything!"

" _Wait a sec-"_

****ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]** **

He ends the call before he can hear the rest of his reply, because he's got something he needs to take care of. John doesn't want to waist any time, because he knows what he has to do and he simply can't  _wait!_

****ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering arachnidsGrip [AG]** **

****[EB] vriska!** **

****[EB] hey!** **

****[AG] Woah, it's 8een a while since we spoke!** **

****[AG] Wondering if you had forgotten a8out me! ::::(** **

****[EB] nah! i'd never do that** **

****[EB] you're too awesome to just forget like that!** **

****[EB] i've just had to take some time to figure things out and, i think i finally got it?** **

****[EB] like, really get it! i think everything going to be ok now.** **

****[AG] W8, what do you mean? John, you're not m8king very much sense. ::::(** **

****[EB] yeah i know, but it's a sort of weird thing to begin with** **

****[EB] and i just really had to say thank you to you!** **

****[AG] W8, what for?** **

****[AG] Not that I'm not completely worthy of the pr8se in the first place, 8ecause i already know I'm amaaaaaaaazing, 8ut I want to know what you're talking a8out.** **

****[EB] just for being there, i guess. i dunno, i sort of felt really bad that i never really got to meet you in person since you died and all,** **

****[EB] so i hadn't been able to give you a proper thank you, and now is the perfect time to say it!** **

****[EB] so thanks!** **

****[AG] ::::( I'm not sure if I approve of this, something smells off to me.** **

****[AG] And it's in a 8ad way.** **

****ectoBiologist [EB] has ceased pestering arachnidsGrip [AG]** **

****[AG] W8! John! ** **

****[AG] Grrr you can't just leave like that! ** **

****[AG] Get 8ack here! ** **

****[AG] D8mn it you're actu8lly worrying me! ** **

****[AG] John, this seems suspicious! What are you doing! ** **

****[AG] 8t least l8t me know you're alright! ** **

He didn't look back at the computer screen, because he had said what he needed to. Vriska had been such an awesome person this whole time, but he'd been so swept up in everything that they'd hardly had much time to talk! And he felt back for that, really, and he kind of wished he had  _more_ time, but there was only so much time in the world and, well, he didn't want to be wasting anymore.

Yeah, everything had sort of gone wrong in the end, but he was okay with it! I mean, there was no reason to stress over it anymore, right? He was done, he didn't need to play the hero anymore; he should have realized that when he got  _home._

He hoped his friends would understand. No, he  _knew_ they would. They might not have been as close as they could have been these last months, but they were still his best pals no matter what.

They would understand his decision.

* * *

****carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT]** **

****[CG] LALONDE.** **

****[CG] I THINK SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH JOHN. ** **

****[CG] LIKE, FOR REAL WRONG, IN THE WAY THAT COULD LEAD TO A LOT MORE WRONGS THEN THERE NEEDS TO BE. ** **

****[CG] THIS WOULD BE A GREAT TIME TO REPLY BACK. ** **

****[CG] HEY! ** **

****[CG] I'M BEING SERIOUS, SOMETHING SEEMED REALLY WRONG WITH THE LAST THING HE SAID TO SOLLUX AND I BEFORE HANGING UP. ** **

****[CG] AND THE FACT THAT SOLLUX CAN HEAR JOHN'S VOICE IN HIS HEAD IS REALLY, REALLY BAD. ** **

****[CG] SO IF YOU COULD JUST. ** **

****[CG] YOU KNOW. ** **

****[CG] ANSWER, THAT WOULD BE GREAT. ** **

** [CG]BECAUSE ITS NOT LIKE WE CAN GO BUST HIS DOOR DOWN OURSELVES AND MADE SURE THE WRONGNESS HASN'T STARTED YET. **

****[CG] DAMN IT LALONDE! ** **

** [CG] ROSE! **

* * *

 

_Your name is DAVE STRIDER, and you're just BURNED OUT._

It's become a normal thing for Dave to be sitting inside Rose's room. They didn't always have to be talking about mind shit, and she had a way of pacing herself while she spoke. It was nice to listen to.

He wished everything else had gotten easier as well. But he supposed the world was just not that fucking cool to let that slide.

"About 91 days, 2,191 hours 131,487 minutes and 7,889,230 seconds. Hell, three months and I haven't been able to lay down any of my sick rhymes. Hell Rose. This is complete hell."

Rose gives him a small smile, and continues on with her knitting. He didn't know how she could do that stuff. Dave had tried to learn to sew at some point, but it just was not his thing.

His brother smacked him for using a thimble. Fuck that, those things were not for pussies, no matter what his Bro said. Only real men can use a thimble in pride.

And while his own thoughts swirl around his head, he still can't drown out the ticking. His hopes of it becoming less obnoxious as time went on had been debunked faster than he had ever expected. Shit was just out to prove him wrong.

Dave had told Rose that it didn't go away, but he'd neglected to mention that it had somewhere gotten  _louder._ It might have been just a tick in the beginning, but now it was full blown clockwork rotating around his head. It was slowly chipping away at his own motherfucking  _sanity,_ what with all that noise.

Sometimes he couldn't hear his own thoughts, let alone anyone else. Days like that left him sitting up in his room, staring at the wall and hoping that it would just  _stop._ That time chick from the troll's session had been able to stop time. He sort of wished he'd had  _that_ as his passive ability. Maybe things wouldn't be as bad then.

 _However,_ there seemed to be another annoying  _beeping_ flowing throughput Rose's room, and that was something that he could control.

"Dude, Rose. Someone is trying to get in touch with you, and if you don't answer it, I might have to destroy your computer."

"Mind your manners, Strider. Destroying others possessions is not a healthy way to deal with your conflicting mental issues. Perhaps we should embark on a journey through your head?"

And this is why he wore his shades. Rose would be none the wiser that he was ironically rolling his eyes at her.

"No way. Seriously, answer your computer, or I'll go answer it myself. And while I am over there, I will publish all of your creepy tentacle writing porn on the internet."

At that, Rose stood and placed her knitting material on the bed, shooting a rather disapproving glare at Dave in the process. He simply smirked in response and leaned back further in his chair, eyes closing as he listened to her footsteps as she crossed the floor.

There was silence, and he was expecting there to be a flurry of keystrokes as she replied to whoever was bugging her, but instead he was left with silence in the room.

"So? Who was it?"

He asked mostly because it was good to keep her talking, since it helped distract everything else that was spinning around in his head. And when she didn't respond, he spun his chair around and opened his eyes, just to see her standing over her desk, facing the computer so he couldn't see her face.

Rose is deathly still, before she manages to say, "Dave, I need you to do me a favor. I need you to stop by John's house."

It's her tone that gets him; that cold, low tone that she uses when she's trying to 'sternly reprimand' someone, or when she's trying to keep herself from exploding. And since Dave hasn't quite done anything yet, he's assuming it's the latter.

"Sure. Mind telling me why?"

"Just go. And hurry.  _Please_."

Dave's up out of seat and rushing out the door, because he  _knows_ that tone. Fuck this sibling crap, he can read it because she's his friend and hell, she's used that desperate done before when while they were in danger, while people were bleeding, while people were  _dying._ He never wanted to have to hear it again from her, because she was supposed to be the level headed one who always holds her composure.

And when she failed to do so, he knows that shit has gotten far too real for his taste.

He slammed his feat down onto the concrete that hit the ground in between each tick in his head, perfect tempo as he increased his pace while heading to his house. He was glad at this moment that John didn't live too far away, because he had a feeling that things might be pretty damn bad if he had to waste time traveling half way around the world just to see his friend.

He's not sure what to expect when he gets there, but he hopes this weight in his gut is simply paranoia because he's not sure what he would do if something happened to John. He was his fucking best friend and damn it, if something happened, he would...

Fuck, no. He wasn't going to think this way because John was  _fine,_ he was  _always_ fine. If Rose was the one who always holds her composure, then John was the one who always made sure that everyone was alright.

And things could no be alright with Rose not okay and him not okay because no. That is not how things  _work._

So when Dave finally slides into John's driveway, he slows down just enough to turn the corner where the garage jutted out and spin to the door, and he pulls it open with practiced and precise strength and is just  _glad_ that it's unlocked, because John would be pretty pissed when he realized that he tore his door down,

and he takes a quick look around to see if he's downstairs and he hopes that he doesn't mind his snooping,

but he's not down there so he finds the stares and runs up them,

two by two

_tick - tick_

and he turns the corner and he knows which one is John's, even though he's never been there

he wasn't his server player

he's never seen this or been inside

but he knows

because

he can see it

and it's there, just a stark

contrast to everything

else

around

that's white.

and that is not.

He shouldn't look but he does, and he regrets it, because the moment he allows himself to walk directly in front of the entry way to John's room he just

loses

it.

There's screaming in his ears, a hoarse barely-detectable but equally distraught cry that  _ticks_ him off it's so pathetic and he knows it's his own and he failed and he failed and he  _failed_

and he is staring at his friend wearing his colors on the outside

vermilion coating the porcelain tiles and

metallic smell over runs him

and he can't take it.

He's ruined, and he was too late he was  _too late, he was always too late, always a step behind the beat too slow to save him one save him twice save him three - four - five - six_

and why can't he rewind, why can't he find his time tables and  _why isn't anything appearing, he needs to go_ _back  _ _he needs to_ _fix this_ _and just_

he can't. take it.

He can't stand himself and he can't stand the ticking through his skin and he can't even hear his cries over the sound anymore, because he's been

pushed

and he can't regain his

composure

and he can't stand how everything is muted, he has to  _see_

so he's grabbing his shades from the front and  _squeezing_  them in his palms and he

thrusts

them away from him, listening, but he doesn't hear them smash against the wall and he doesn't hear himself yell in frustration,

all he sees is John

laying in the color of Dave's eyes

in the color of their blood

of complete defeat

of his failure

of his just

everything

gone

He doesn't care that he's still standing in the hallway, because he doesn't care about anything and there's something in him that turns the wrong way against his mechanisms and grinds because he feels himself lurch, and his lunch is plastered on the ground in front of him, tarnishing the white like the red tarnished it like everything is wrong and

why

why

_why._

John was the Heir, he was supposed to inherent the  _crown_  not inherit their  _suffering_  because Dave knew, he  _knew,_ that John knew how bad everything was, how bad they all were how bad they had become and how bad they had  _driven_  him.

If anyone had to die it should have been him, it should have been  _him_  because he was the Knight and everyone knew that the Knight died first to protect

him.

them.

_tick._

Dave's moving on like he's a puppet on the strings, because he's pretty sure his legs are moving but he can't really see what he's doing or feel them but he knows that he needs to get to him, even in the mess he's in because that's what he  _always does._

And he needs to tell Rose because she's waiting in anticipation and he remembers that anticipation

hurts

because he put her through that before on another

doomed

timeline that he was forced to

abandon

and he'd left her there to wonder, and he wouldn't do that again, because she had to know. So he makes his way over to John's computer, his shoes stepping over the candy-colored tiles, and it's a thought that actually makes him laugh. A  _breathy_ empty laugh that would probably sound weird if he could hear himself.

****ectoBiologist [EB] started pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]** **

****[GC] JOHN? ** **

****[GC] >:? ** **

****[GC] TH1S 1S N3W ** **

****[EB] what no ** **

**[EB] hold on **

****ectoBiologist [EB] has ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]** **

****turntechGodhead [TG] has started pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]** **

****[TG] ok thats better ** **

****[GC]1M GO1NG TO 4SSUM3 YOUR3 US1NG TH3 JOHN HUM4NS COMPUT3R, R1GHT? ** **

****[TG] oh yeah ** **

****[TG] but thats not really important you know ** **

****[TG] i got other shit to think about and it aint okay ** **

****[GC] WH4TS BOTH3R1NG YOU COOLK1D? H4VE 1 JUST B33N L3FT OUT OF THE LOOP OF 1NT3R3ST1NG TH1NGS TODAY? ** **

****[GC]  B3C4US3 KARKL3S W4S B1TCH1ING AND MO4N1NG 34RL13R L1K3 4 F34TH3RB34ST 3GG L4Y3R W1TH 1TS H34D CUT OFF ** **

****[TG] karkat what ** **

****[TG] why ** **

****[GC] 1 DONT KNOW >:[ ** **

****[GC] BUT 1T W4S BOTH3R1NG VR1SK4 4ND SOLLUX TOO, 4ND H3 4T L34ST TOLD M3 IT H4D SOM3TH1NG TO DO W1TH YOU HUM4NS, SP3C1F1C4LLY TH3 ON3 WHOS3 COMPUT3R YOU 4R3 US1NG ** **

[TG] so he knew too

****[TG] god damn it ** **

****[TG] he was probably the one who messaged rose ** **

****[TG] fuck ** **

****[GC] WH4TS WRONG? >:/ F1LL 1N TH3 BL1ND G1RL ** **

****[TG] i ** **

****[TG] fuck ** **

****[TG] i dont know why i even messaged you ** **

****[TG] this is so fucked up ** **

****[GC] D4V3? ** **

****[TG] look your really cool and all and maybe had shit not hit the proverbial fan we could have continued flipping the wicked lines ** **

****[TG] but god thats not the case ** **

****[TG] fuck ** **

****[TG] im sorry ** **

****turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]** **

****[GC] >:? ** **

He didn't even know why he'd messaged her. He just

fuck

Needed to think. He needed, to think and he couldn't really do that because, maybe if she wasn't such a fucking alien maybe they could have gone somewhere with her weird troll romance shit or something but

he cant

because he can't even think past his own noise to contemplate this shit

****turntechGodhead [TG] has started pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]** **

****[TG] look ** **

****[TG] i dont even want to talk now but, fuck ** **

****[TG] obviously you talked to john and shit and i dont know but ** **

**** [TG] i doubt shit was your fault and all that because im the one who failed ** **

**** [TG] we ** **

**** [TG] i dont know. ** **

**** [TG] it wasnt your fault ** **

**** [TG] fuck ** **

**** [TG] but this shit has to stop ** **

****turntechGodhead [TG] has ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]** **

And when he looks down at John again, he wished he didn't, because there's something pathetically messed up with the fact that he has seen this so many times that it isn't even funny.

It never was but

not

even ironically.

He leaned over and picks something up off the floor, something that was placed near John and it makes him cringe when he touches is, because this is nothing like what he has done before. He almost forgets why he had come to the computer in the first place when he hears the notification sound go off, the only thing he seems to be able to register, and he wishes it would shut off because had that sound come earlier maybe he could have come earlier -

****tentacleTherapist [TT] has started pestering turntechGodhead [TG]** **

**** [TT] Dave, you're on. I don't know what I am supposed to make of this, but I'm going to make a wild assumption and assume that John is alright? ** **

****[TT] My worries were surely for nothing, and I can understand if you would be annoyed with me because I made you rush all the way down there for nothing.** **

**** [TT] Strider. ** **

**** [TT] I understand that you might want to do some minor catching up to do with John seeing it has been a while since you have seen him, but I would appreciate it if you got back to me. ** **

****[TT] Dave.** **

**** [TG] no ** **

**** [TT] Finally. No what? ** **

**** [TG] im so sorry. ** **

**** [TG] i ** **

**** [TG] fuck i cant have this conversation. ** **

**** [TG] hes gone. im sorry. if i was faster or something then maybe this wouldnt have happened ** **

**** [TG] i should have paid more attention. ** **

**** [TG] fuck. i hope you don't hate me. ** **

****turntechGodhead [TG] has ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]** **

Dave flicks the object back and forth in his hands, and he realizes how radically different this situation is from before even though it's all so  _similar_.

He's stood before John dead plenty of times - he's seen them all die so many times, doomed timelines, there were more then he would like to admit - and this was just something that he sometimes did. There were always plenty of Dave's running around in alternate timelines, so he never had to worry. And once the  _Heir_  died, it was all over. They could never progress.

So it was something that he would sometimes do, because there was no use for a thousand Dave's running around in a timeline that wouldn't bare any fruit. So sometimes he's just take his sword and off himself, because he didn't like wasting time doing something that would eventually be completely pointless.

But this time he doesn't have a sword and John wasn't killed by a stupid monster or an overpowered dog and there were just -

there were no dream selves or just deaths to heroic deaths or rebirths or half ghosts or wicked rainbow drinkers there was just

plain

death.

And the  _Knight_  was supposed to protect the  _Heir_  and he can't exactly do that if he's failed and Dave just

doesn't

see a reason to stick around in a time where nothing will advance

because he can't  _advance_  without  _John_

and a  _knight_  without a _heir_  is just

null

so he needs to just

fix it.

* * *

 

  _Your name is JADE HARLEY and you're just DRAINED._

She's pretty sure she hadn't moved much since she heard everything. She couldn't think of anything to do; she'd retreated back into her mind. She could see everything there and if she could see and just understand the physical things around her, then everything would be all right, because nothing wasn't  _predictable._ She could count and do measurements and make sure and see how everything would fall in place and it was okay!

She wasn't thinking about Dave or John because in her mind, they never happened. Not really. Everything was just a copious amount of data; all things that could be observes and worked out and  _safe._ It was just data, and data can't really hurt you!

She wished people could be perfect like numbers. It would be easier to just look at interactions like math, and solve the variables with the constants. But even though certain things may be common across the entire social spectrum, people are not perfect like numbers. They are not logical like algebra. They exist within their own set of rules that you can't find in a textbook.

Maybe she could have handled things a little bit differently.

Maybe. There were a lot of maybe's and probabilities and functions that could lead to a plethora of outcomes, and yes. She could see them  _all_.

So when she chose this route, it seemed like the safest the most beneficial for her. People wouldn't hurt her, because she wouldn't let them  _in._ She would leave their data out of her own, and she would simply learn to factor around them. They would not be  _real_ to her.

Yes, she was okay with that! She had her numbers, and that was what she had known and had grown up with in the beginning anyway! Sure, she'd spoken on a terminal with others, but even then, their words were just a collection of pixelated data.

Data could be flushed and re-written an edited, because that's what it was there for. She'd re-write the world, because she could control Space; she was okay. She would be okay!

She's be perfect. She didn't miss John or Dave! She didn't miss Rose either! She didn't miss Tavros or Feferi or Karkat or anyone else!

Missing was just a feeling like longing, and longing was just an add-on to the brain.

Because what  _is_ a brain but a giant, fleshy computer? They were 'rational' beings with hearts and souls as little decorations. Software updates.

She could deal with this.

She was  _fine._

* * *

 

_Your name is ROSE LALONDE, and you've GIVEN UP._

This was it. Her biggest failure to date, and that was even taking into consideration how many times they had apparently been lead into a doomed timeline. She was supposed to be the Seer; the one to help everyone  _succeed._

Instead she had failed everyone.

She had been too  _late._

Failure was not something that Rose was accustomed to; not really. She had always been one to keep her mind open, so things could never really surprise her enough to throw her off her game. She, in her own opinion, had always had a decent amount of control when it came to her life and those who were in it.

And yet John and Dave were dead, and Jade had closed herself off from the world.

And here she was, left lamenting in what was and what had happened.

In what had gone  _so wrong._

She wasn't sure what she was supposed to do anymore. She had a whole world to live in, without the constant threat of impending doom. She had all this time to grow up as a  _normal kid._ She had  _fought_ for this time, and she'd gained it. She should feel  _accomplished._

But she had not done it alone. And she would have been  _hopeless_ without her friends.

Maybe that's what she was now. Nothing more than a completely pathetic girl left alone in this big-bad world that she had helped  _save._

Not as though she could enjoy it. She had no right to. She had failed to come to see her true purpose in the Game, and she'd failed to do the same in the World.

Rose wondered what they had all done so  _wrong._ Why had they been burdened with fragmented minds after everything was said and done? Was it the game's way of punishing them? A slap on the wrist for using the troll's a cheat card? For saving them, when they should have been doomed?

She didn't know, and she would never know, because she was alone with no one to question. John and Dave were dead.  _Dead._ No more reset buttons. They would not re-awaken with no trace of harm. Death here had been swift and absolute.

And Jade was...

Beyond help. She was like a working, living computer, not seeing anything but numbers and that's all anyone was to her; an experiment at best. Rose could not reach her where she was, no matter how hard she tried. And tried she had; she felt like she'd practically clawed into her in attempt to get her to register anything, but it was for naught.

And then that left Rose alone. Were she maybe a person with enough will, she would have taken her own life, as well. But as it seems, it was not something she seemed to be able to do.

And she did not have a calculating mind like Jade had; she could not block out the world. She was left to constantly hear the bickering thoughts of people she didn't even know, didn't want to know. She had to deal with all their disgusting secrets and unsanitary desires and candy-coated words that contradicted everything that was bleeding through their lips.

And she had no one that could understand. No one who had gone through what she had, who could understand, who could  _grasp_ what it was like to see your friends die one by one. To know what it's like to take someone's life as well. What it is like to kill, and smile, because it's  _just business. I'm not afraid of a little blood. It just means I'll need new cloths._

They hadn't dealt with having to spend  _years_ with an alien species who had been raised since birth to kill if they wanted to survive. Yes, they were civil enough and they had joked around, but she -  _they_ \- were still only human. Had they wanted, it would not have taken much to break them before any of them even had a chance to grab their strife specubus.

She just...she didn't care anymore. Any emotions that had been there before were gone, and she was left with a looming emptiness in her chest that she seemed to not be able to shake.

Hearing her computer beeping a notification noise, she contemplated just letting it go off and ignore it. Maybe she would just get rid of the dreaded program, or her whole computer all together. Both thoughts which she was greatly debating with.

None the less, she made herself get up off the floor and slug over to the computer; sitting down in the chair as her eyes glazed over the screen. Her eyes naturally locked on her contact list, to the two names that she would never see light up again.

She'd yet to shut down her last conversation with Dave.

****grimAuxiliatrix [GA] has begun pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]** **

**** [GA] Rose, I Am Not Sure If This Is A Bad Time To Be Contacting You, But I Feel As Though I Have Some Mutual Obligation As Your Friend To Make Sure You Are Taking Care Of Yourself. ** **

**** [GA] I Have Yet To Have Heard From You In Three Of Your Human Weeks. ** **

**** [GA] None Of You, Actually. ** **

**** [GA] We Are Genuinely Worried About Your Well Being. ** **

She had been putting them off. Kanaya had messaged her on multiple occasions, as had Karkat, and Terezi, and Vriska, and Sollux. She had just...never quite had an inclination to respond to them. But perhaps it was being a bit unfairly 'cruel,' keeping them all out of the loop like this. She had time to wallow in pity; she can spare a few moments to indulge them as to what has happened.

**** [TT] Hello Kanaya. ** **

**** [GA] You Answered.  ** **

** [GA] I Am Honestly Surprised, But At The Same Time Very Relieved. **

**** [TT] Yes, I apologize for not getting back to any of you.  ** **

** [TT] Things have been rather hard to deal with lately, and I'm afraid that it wasn't in my direct line of reasoning to contact you all. **

**** [GA] I Understand. ** **

****[GA] But I Have Not Heard Anything From Those Other Three Human Friends Of Yours.** **

****[GA] Which Would Not Be Very Weird, Since I Do Not Make It An Effort To Speak To Them Like I Speak To You,** **

**** [GA] But No One Else Has Heard From Them As Well. Has Something Happened? ** **

Right. There was only so long that she could put this off, and it's not as though she minded anymore. She couldn't even remember why she'd neglected to tell them anything in the first place; she was numb. It didn't even bother her anymore to think about them.

**** [TT] I guess that you could say something's happened. ** **

**** [TT] They're dead, Kanaya. ** **

**** [GA] What? ** **

Maybe at an earlier time, Rose would have found this small answer rather amusing. Kanaya always seemed to have something to say, so catching her in a near speechless state was hard to do.

Unfortunately, that was not the time she was living in, and she could not even manage to pull off a smile. Her lips remained in a dead line, unaffected even by what she  _herself_ was saying.

**** [TT] It is exactly as I said. ** **

**** [TT] Well, almost. ** **

**** [TT] Both John and Dave are dead, and Jade is just...out of commission.  ** **

** [TT] No one can really get through to her, anymore.  **

** [TT] She shut down. **

**** [GA] ...What Has Happened To Leave You All At Such An Undesirable Outcome? ** **

**** [GA] I Did Not Think That Things Were So Bad Down There.  ** **

** [GA] How Did Those Two Humans Perish? **

**** [TT] Suicide. I assume that your race knows of acts like this, correct? ** **

**** [GA] ...Indeed We Do. It Is A Very Sad Occasion. ** **

**** [TT] Yes, It generally is.  ** **

** [TT] I'm sorry about keeping quiet about such things; I just couldn't find the energy to address this. **

**** [GA] I Can Understand Why.  ** **

** [GA] But That Leaves Me To Ask Again If You Are Really Alright. **

That was a good question. Was she? Was she really? It depended very much on the definition of 'alright.' In the sense that she was living, she was alright. She was breathing and was able to make sound decisions. She was not breaking down in tears, and cursing the world for the cruel cards she had been dealt.

But it left her wondering if it was okay to feel so empty.

**** [TT] Yes, I'm fine don't worry. ** **

**** [GA] Are You Sure? ** **

Was she?

**** [TT] I'm sure, don't worry.  ** **

** [TT] I'm a strong person; I can get past this. **

**** [GA] I Admire The Tenacity That You Hold Onto.  ** **

** [GA] Few Trolls Are Able To Keep Such A Stand When Faced With A Blow That Is Very Close To Home. **

**** [TT] Your flattery is appreciated.  ** **

** [TT] But if you don't mind, I'd like to cut our conversation a bit short; there are some other things that I need to work out. **

**** [GA] Very Well. Should I Inform The Others Of Your Friends' Demise? ** **

**** [TT] If you wouldn't mind. ** **

**** [GA] It Is No Problem.  ** **

** [GA] Stay Well, Rose.**

**** [TT] Thanks. You too. ** **

****tentacleTherapist [TT] has ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]** **

She wished she could say that it was nice to speak to her troll companion, but she would just be lying to herself. It was just a waste of time; she didn't find enjoyment in it anymore.

Did she ever in the first place?

She didn't remember.

Either way, there  _was_ one more loose end that she had to clear up before she was satisfied.

****tentacleTherapist [TT] has begun pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]** **

**** [TT] Hello Vantas. ** **

**** [TT] I would like to keep this short, since you will be hearing something rather displeasing very soon. ** **

**** [TT] And when you do, I would like you to know that this isn't your fault.  ** **

** [TT] I appreciate your help; I just should have acted sooner. **

**** [TT] John was your friend, and you shared a sort of healthy competitive relationship Dave, and Jade was someone who you could go to when they were both driving you mad. ** **

**** [TT] I am sorry I failed to keep them safe. ** **

**** [TT] I see no reason to keep my handle here; I don't really have much of a care for anything anymore.  ** **

** [TT] This will be the last time you, or any of you, will hear from me. **

**** [TT] Maybe we were just not meant to prosper.  ** **

** [TT] We were given a dose of bad medicine; the pro's of it simply did not outweigh the con's in our case, I'm afraid. **

**** [TT] Farewell, Karkat. ** **

****tentacleTherapist [TT] has ceased pestering carcinoGeneticis [CG]****

* * *

 

_Your name is KARKAT VANTAS, and you are a FAILURE._

He heard it from Kanaya, who had vanished just as soon as she'd delivered the news. Vriska went off to destroy things, Terezi locked herself in her room, and Aradia went to hide in her ruins.

What the fuck is he supposed to do?

He didn't know if wanted to be pissed off or if he wanted to wallow in his own disgusting pity because he was such a goddamn failure at everything. Sollux was right; he fails at everything  _important._

He gave their fucking universe  _Cancer._

And they  _still_ helped Karkat and his team win a session that had already been proven to be  _dead._  They helped fix the mistakes that they didn't even have anything to  _do_ with.

And how did he repay them? By letting them all rot on that planet due to some fucking backlash or some shit from the game. A final "Fuck you, shithead!" to them,  _just in case_ they hadn't had enough of that.

He's been staring at the screen with Lalonde's message, like if he looked hard enough she'd come back and tell him that she had just fucking trolled them hard. That this was just some fucking prank to prove that we were all still  _so_   _fucking gullible_ , and John would never stop laughing, and Dave would be trying to burn him, while Jade just laughed at it all because she was just happy.

But he knows that's not going to happen, because he isn't fucking stupid and even though they were his friends, and it hurts, he is accustomed to death.

Or so he tells himself. Because it makes the blow just a little fucking softer.

Fuck, it would have just been  _better_ if they all had just hated him! But no. They had to assure him that it wasn't  _his fault._ Bullshit it wasn't.

****carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT]** **

**** [CG] THAT GAME WASN'T JUST A FUCKING DOSE OF BAD MEDICINE. ** **

**** [CG] THOSE WEREN'T FUCKING SIDE EFFECTS. ** **

**** [CG] THE GAME ITSELF WAS NOTHING MORE THEN A HUGE, SQUIRMING VILE OF SLOW REACTING POISON DESIGNED TO SHUT A PERSON DOWN. ** **

**** [CG] A DEATH SENTENCE. ** **

Frowning, Karkat could hear someone making his way into his room; he didn't even have to turn around to know it was Sollux. Fuck him being such a fucking good friend. He should be allowed to die in a crumpled pathetic mess.

**** [CG] MEDICINE AT LEAST HAS A CHANCE OF SUCCESS. ** **

**** [CG] THIS WAS JUST GLORIFIED MURDER. ** **

****carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling tentacleTherapist [TT]** **

**Author's Note:**

> ....Sooo...yeah. The troll's were a dose of bad medicine. They poisoned their universe, because they were never supposed to interact to begin with. ♥
> 
> I hope you enjoyed? c:


End file.
